It’s Not About Me

I'm just a channel for what wants to be created.

And I wouldn’t be here without numerous mentors and teachers.

I practice opening.

I'm committed to the path of revealing my old wounds. Not picking at the scabs, but digging up all the pus and dirt.

Why?

Because I didn't live in my body for the majority of my life.

I used to joke that I want one thing while my body wants the opposite. That our needs are fundamentally incompatible.

I was so dissociated that hearing my own heartbeat triggered panic attacks. And our modern society has bred more dissociated people than ever.

If you don't live in your body, you can't feel truth.

You'll do what other people tell you.

You won't stand up for yourself.

You're locked out of your own home.

We're not here for such an existence. That's not living, it's playing small and mistrusting where the deepest Thing in you wants to guide you.

Because your mind doesn't understand it. Can't see the inherent genius of letting that Thing create itself through your physical vessel.

But the choice is yours.

There's no wrong way to live. You can numb yourself with alcohol, drugs, and porn. You can obsess over one man after the other. You can continue to say "Yes" when you want to say "No".

Or you can face yourself. You can feel the emotions your child-self couldn't.

You're capable of aligning yourself with who you truly are.

After trauma-bonding with a married man, I fell deep. For the first time in my adult life, I wasn't okay. My attachment trauma shoved me this way and that.

My ego got squashed beneath the pressure of my unfelt feelings.

So my heart cracked open.

I acknowledged the death of my twin and how it impacted me.

I saw how the adults in my life had emotionally abused and coerced me.

I grieved the support I needed yet never had.

And now I feel more alive than ever.

Everything I went through, I went through to share and teach. I'm creating every day.

And if you don't feel pulled to be here, then don't. Because you never have to force what's true. It's either a fit or it isn't.

I'm not for everyone. I'm meant to be fully expressed and those who are meant to be transformed by my expression will find their way.

It'll happen without me needing to control, convince or coerce.

Because it's not about me.

It's about what's getting created through me.