I healed my relationship to disgust when I realized the inherent life energy and turn-on of this emotion.
The overwhelming power.
It’s similar to anger in its intensity.
And disgust has an erotic quality to it.
The things that disgust us nowadays have evolved from the primal repulsion of seeing maggots feasting on corpses.
We feel disgust around our body hair.
Around our innate need for support and connection.
Around birth.
Not to mention around our own and other people’s sexuality.
But facing this disgust leads you to much deeper aliveness
much deeper pleasure
and much deeper embodiment.
And that?
That’s power.
You know when you see some bald, seedy politician on TV and feel a 'yuck', but you're also kind of curious what it'd be like to get fucked by him? What often happens here is we disapprove of that impulse. We make it mean something about us as people.
That something's wrong with us if we want to experience (even in our imaginations) things we deem repulsive.
Our bodies react to energy, and disgust is highly charged and highly polarising.
As a child, I had immense disgust towards insects and arachnids. But back then my nervous system couldn't handle that much activation, so for the longest time I avoided insects like the plague.
My subconscious did not. I regularly dreamt of spiders, ants, and woodlice in distressing detail. I dreamt of being stuck inside their shells, surrounded by their wiggly limbs and tissue. I hated those dreams. But they taught me the importance of tending to those emotions we deem undesirable.
Because they're going to show up in our lives in one way or another.
So I encourage you to get curious. Which sexual archetype makes you flinch in a "That's not me! I could never!" way?
Maybe it's a mewling pornstar. Or a dominatrix who whips her partner. Or a wife who calls her husband 'daddy' and is totally subservient.
Once you've found the thing that has a charge, embody it. You heard me right. Become that archetype for a minute, even if it's just in your imagination. Then observe your mind, body, and arousal levels.
Don't just dip your toes into the feelings of repulsion. Dive a few meters in and stay there for a short while.
You can cough, retch, or even vomit if need be. Stick your tongue out and make grimaces. I'm giving you full permission. Your body is in control, not your societal conditioning of what's proper and what's not.
Repeating this practice a few times will release pent-up disgust. Your whole vibe is going to change. The things that once triggered you won't hold as much power anymore and you'll free your subconscious of shackles you never knew constricted it.
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