As I'm soaking in my bathtub right now, I'm hit by the surge of knowing that it's time to tell this story.
And if I've learned anything, it's to listen to that inner voice.
The little nudges of "Now is the time."
So here I am.
Two days ago, I had an anxiety attack in my car.
In my car which I was driving up a very tricky sliproad.
In the dark.
There was no way to stop on that 60 km/h upward spiraling road.
And if this had happened some years ago, I can't tell you what might have happened.
But my years of intense somatic work turned this terrifying situation into almost nothing.
A blip.
I can track back every single second leading up to that anxiety attack because of how my awareness and embodiment have become more focused, more grounded, and more solid.
And I can tell you that the anxiety wasn't mental at all.
It originated from the sciatic nerve in my left hip.
That nerve (which starts at the tailbone and branches into both legs) had gotten slightly stuck last week which caused a lot of tingling and pain all the way down to my foot.
Like all things medicinal, there's a diagnosis for those symptoms.
And as I was driving, I twisted my pelvis upwards in a way that released whatever part of the nerve was trapped.
Which caused such a jolt of electricity that my brain couldn't not interpret it as anxiety and budding panic.
And that example illustrates what "anxiety" really is.
Anxiety is free energy.
Energy which runs in loops through your nervous system with no immediate outlet.
That's all.
Nothing scary about that, is there?
My mind suffered for a long time under the assumption that anxiety meant I was broken.
Defective.
Even crazy.
But it's just energy, and energy can be handled.
Once it ran free, I felt a sharp spike of "Oh no!"
But thanks to practice, I instinctively calmed my mind with deep, conscious breathing.
The inhale activates and energizes. So by focusing on elongating the exhale, I didn't add more energy to my system (in the form of oxygen). The "anxiety" fizzled out within minutes.
Now, if you've never processed your emotions physically, chances are that there's a lot of stored energy in your nervous system. Expecting years worth of unmet energy to release in one go is simply unrealistic.
And unhealthy.
But since I've dedicated years of my life to somatic practices, my nervous system is trained to handle itself better.
I've grown my capacity to hold more sensation.
And the more sensation you can hold without distracting yourself, panicking, or becoming unconscious, the easier your life will be.
Comments