This is a very vulnerable topic for me and something I have resistance to sharing, which is why I’m doing it.
I have a huge wounding around money.
Growing up with a hard-working single mom who turned every penny, and very frugal grandparents whose money mindset was influenced by fleeing war and famine and poverty, this wound is deep.
It’s a “We don’t have enough”.
It’s a “I need more money to survive”.
It’s a complete misunderstanding and ignorance of the energetics around money.
But I’m at a point where this wound can’t survive in my system anymore.
I’m done choosing the addictive adrenalizing brokeness. Being broke isn’t serving, and I’ve known this for years, but something inside me is still getting off on it.
And that’s the clue right there.
As long as a part of you enjoys your patterns and you’re unaware of it, they can’t be integrated.
I have shame about being financially poor, dependent, useless.
And what that ties into is having unhealthy relationship patterns.
Money and love anorexia are linked. I’m a chronic love anorexic, never had a romantic relationship, and in hindsight I couldn’t have chosen differently either because starting a relationship with the men I’ve met in my life so far just wasn’t true.
Why am I talking about this now?
Because we’re in a time where our shadow gets amplified full force.
I’ve been in a phase of intense expansion and raised frequency, watching my resistance grow all the while. Resistance happens when that Thing has a higher frequency than your body and/or raises your body’s frequency to “uncomfortable” levels.
Low frequency patterns fight back against raised frequencies.
They’re a protection mechanism.
The price for giving up unhealthy patterns is taking more responsibility and more perceived risks, being seen more, being vulnerable.
Acceptance precedes change. We can’t change a situation we deny.
Our attention is being pulled on. Our subconscious fears are being played with. The collective consciousness and outside forces do anything to shake our center.
But this era is also valuable. Covid was the test run. Now we’re in the mid game.
Our attention is valuable.
Will we let ourselves spiral into fear and worry? Or will we meet the challenges presented to us, knowing they’re all part to destabilize us, and not allowing that to happen? This takes strength and focus and commitment.
This isn’t easy.
I know it isn’t. It’s so tempting to fall back down into mental loops, stories, and terror.
But honestly? Don’t do it. Just don’t. It sucks down there.
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