On all levels.
Needing the newest tech, jumping onto every train wagon of what’s “in”. The ego is hooky and tricky. People get into “spirituality” all the time because it’s so new and glamorous and look what a pretty identity you’ve added to your repertoire!
You know those posts that are like, “Take this test to find out the secrets of the universe and also why you’re super extra special, so that you’ll feel good and pay for more posts like this that make you feel good”?
I know them because I loved that content. There’s no personality test, astrology and tarot related quiz I wouldn’t have engaged with a couple years ago. The results in them are always the same: “Here’s all the ways you’re superior/why he actually does love you/why you’re destined for success without needing to lift a finger!”
I was addicted to them for the same reason other people are addicted to make-up, their dozen cars, that new hobby everyone else is doing and they want to fit in with their crowd etc. It feels good. It’s soothing. It’s a band-aid over the open wound that’s festering inside. And when that band-aid has bled through, just find a new identity or some other distraction.
Repeat ad nauseam.
But what I’ve always had was a love for the organic. I didn’t start using some occasional make-up until I was 23. I was never a social activist. I’ve adored my body when society told me to hate it. My period blood didn’t gross me out and I wasn’t afraid of someone hearing me changing pads in the next stall. I bury the dead animals no one else wants to look at.
You don’t need another mental identity. You need to get into your body—which already is YOU, including the uncomfortable sensations, the things you’re ashamed of and hide, and the unglamorous shit. You’re not in your full expression when you’re terrified of not shaving your pits because someone might judge you. Or because not wearing a bra might make someone say something to you. Or putting on make-up because it’s become a habit and you don’t want to show your real skin.
It’s okay. This is a normal phase. The entire world is designed to make us add layers instead of removing them.
We all have our conditioning: appearances, acting “nice”, not rocking the boat, fitting in.
Then those hurt parts of us dictate every detail of our behaviors. And they do it to protect us. They helped us survive and they’re unwilling to let go of us.
And while those protectors are active, you can’t ever be fully expressed. You’re holding back. You’re not free.
Really ask yourself why you’re doing something. Honestly. Is it because it expands your soul or is it to please your mother/husband/best friend? To remain in connection? To stay hidden? To get some unspoken reward?
This brings up resistance because it confronts us with uncomfortable truth.
Truth is base. Truth isn’t pretty or shiny or dressed-up to be less “offensive”. Truth doesn’t care about my preferences, or yours, or anyone else’s. Its frequency just is.
Do you want the truth or do you want your ego to keep latching onto every new thin
I check in with myself and my body on everything, and I’ve learned to recognize the specific sensation when my ego hooks into something.
Something can be true and your ego will try to hook into it and twist it into something shinier, more entertaining, more validating.
Something can open your body in ways you’ve never known and your ego will pull on that freed energy to add fantasy, to create a new idea of yourself.
The ego and the mind constantly try to get you out of your body. You could have a hugely electrifying experience, super connected, super tuned in, and your mind goes, “Wow that time my hamster died.”
Our mind and ego can’t heal us. It’s not their job! They’re designed to look for problems and help us survive. And they’re amazing at that!
But do you want to survive or do you want to thrive, expand and live fully expressed? Do you want to feel the whole range of sensation and emotion, the softest nuances in your tissue as well as the highest electricity?
Because your mind won’t let you feel that. Just saying.
You feel more by getting down to your base. By stripping away the layers, not adding more. By opening the dark rooms and dirty closets inside.
“Chop wood, carry water.”
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