I don’t know about you, but my mind loves being in charge.
All the damn time.
A constant stream of bla bla bla this terrible thing will happen and also this and honestly what are you even doing??
It’s not only annoying. It’s also false.
Your mind is not your friend.
It’s a survival tool.
In the wild, it’s great at its job! But in modern life, where there’s a 0.000000001 chance of encountering a hungry tiger, the mind is largely limiting.
It wants to keep you safe. Nowadays, that often means doing doing doing.
Whatever your mind deems essential for your survival, it pushes you to do it.
No matter how exhausted you are, your thoughts will spiral.
“Write two posts today because you missed one yesterday. Finish this task. You’re behind. You’re losing time. You’re ruining your life!”
No matter what it is you’re doing in life, this thought will come up.
It also leads to burnout.
A perception of scarcity leads to a loss of creativity.
Of energy.
Merely letting my mind worry sucks the life force out of my bones.
So how do you stop?
1) Accept that it’s a process.
Retraining your mind and directing your attention towards its chatter will take time and you’re often going to forget doing it. Especially in the beginning.
That’s okay.
2) Acknowledge where you’re benefiting from letting your mind run your life.
Parts of us love the limits our beliefs impose on us. They seem to keep us safe. Not taking that risk. Not speaking our true desire.
Overriding your truth is a way to avoid responsibility. It keeps us small and unnoticeable. That’s more comfortable than taking up space and getting hurt.
3) When you notice your mind worrying about something, gently redirect it.
It’s easy to let the inner punisher play out here. Be gentle. Slowly look to the left and right, relax where you are, and say to your mind, “I’m safe. You can be quiet.”
You’re going to do this dozen times a day. Again, that’s okay. It’s a process.
4) Give your mind an actual problem to solve.
Your brain is an excellent problem solver. Use it! What problem needs an immediate solution in your life? Say to your mind, "Here. Take this and solve this for me."
Doing that works great for me. Now, everyone's different, so it might also take a few tries for your mind to accept the challenge.
Alright.
We've covered how to redirect the mind.
But how do you rest?
Even when you're not actively thinking, your subconscious keeps your nervous system highly alert when you're stressed. Even more so when you're a woman (more on that here).
Women need oxytocin to combat the effects of cortisol and adrenaline.
Pure chemistry at work here, baby.
1) Breathe
Chances are, you're breathing wrong.
This video should help.
Even when we think we're breathing into our belly, we often neglect two things: the exhale, and the pause between inhale and exhale.
Exhale fully. Squeeze out the air. Your abdominals should get activated, including your obliques. Push out as much air as you can.
Then, wait for the impulse to inhale. The moments of breathlessness are where relaxation happens. I can physically feel my face slacken every time.
If you're like me and you tend to inhale too much, too fast, then this tip will be worth gold.
I haven't been able to ingrain this into my muscle memory yet either. Keep at it. Your body needs time to get used to new habits.
2) Touch, including self-touch
Prolonged touch releases loads of oxytocin.
You may or may not have a partner. If you do, great! Cuddle, hug, let them massage you.
If you don't, no problem! Self-touch and self-massage help you open and relax the way you need, too.
Go really slow. Really soak in each trace of your fingertips. Let yourself receive fully.
Take 30 minutes to do this.
If that amount activates discomfort in you, good.
Make it 60 minutes.
Invest more time than you want to invest.
Watch your mind pressure you into hurrying up. Even as you're reading these words, slow down and watch your ego invent all sorts of excuses for why you can't invest an hour of your day for pleasure.
3) Taking baths or long showers
This is tried and true advice.
Water has a way of calming our lizard (or fish) brains.
Ever wondered why it's so hard to get out of a cosy shower? It's because warm water is deeply meditative.
Take some epsom salt and get soaking!
4) Sleep!!
The most important point. A fucked up sleep schedule will make your life 150% harder than it needs to be.
Eight hours of sleep are imperative. And you being the responsible, capable adult that you are, will find a way to incorporate them.
If you're a chronic worrier like myself, and your mind keeps you up at night, don't fret.
Just rub your clit or perineum.
You read that right.
If you regularly take care of your body's sexual needs (which I hope you do), then you won't fantasize or force yourself to arousal. This isn't about arousal at all.
The clit is an on and off button. Once in bed, take some deep breaths and slowly stroke yourself to unconsciousness.
The perineum (the barrier between vagina/scrotum and anus) is also a highway to relaxation.
You might go through a phase of discomfort if you're new to touching yourself there, but don't let that deter you!
Those nerves haven't received love in a long time, so they're going to feel prickly. But, with patience, they're going to blossom beautifully, for the sake of this metaphor.
So, there you have it!
Even making a habit out of one of these tips is going to be a game changer for you. If you're particularly ambitious, you can bookmark this article for continuous reference.
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