Ding ding ding! Trauma is everywhere. Nervous systems of differing capacities are everywhere. We all have our own past wounds to tend to.
And you can choose not to, of course. Free will exists. But that choice also means not experiencing this life in its most abundant, most nourishing version.
Trauma is physical. We can’t talk our way out of it.
I started this journey years ago and had you told my 23 year old self how far I’d come, I wouldn’t have believed it. I had no idea it’d be possible to engage with my own body’s energy in harmony—no “anxiety”, no “panic”, no terror of my own life force.
And I’ve had panic attacks since 6th grade.
In hindsight, it was all perfect. Yes, even the bullying, the trained helplessness, the hyper-dependence on distractions like “Do I have this or that mental illness?” And so many more.
I didn’t deserve it. I wasn’t a “bad girl”. But without those experiences, I wouldn’t have hit the ground soil—the organic darkness—and that’s where you gather energy to return upwards.
Organic darkness is the deepening into the body, the grief, the anger, the fear. Feeling it all without mental loops and stories. Fully opening to tears and tremors.
There’s gratitude in this. That doesn’t mean “forgive and forget”, it means facing your own pain and processing it without villainizing its sensations, yourself, or how it got there in the first place.
What can’t you feel gratitude for? What can’t you open into? Where in your body are those spots located?
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